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Over a year ago a person got very offended by an old comic of mine and wanted to explain to me why it was offensive. When they wrote to me I had long since understood that and deleted it from my own galleries, but they had found it on Tumblr and felt it was important to talk about NOW. At first I didn't respond because a lot of things were going on in my life and I needed to not stress about it, but then they started shouting on Tumblr about it and got more people shouting at me and I finally gave in. I tried to explain to the person what my thoughts had been behind it at the time but that I no longer felt that way, but they kept going. 

At the same time a lot of people were writing me about minor things like if they should move to Denmark or what my opinion was about one thing or another, and I didn't respond to any of those either and some questioned me about it. All the while this person was getting all worked up and wouldn't just take my "I'm sorry but I can't do this right now for personal reasons" for an answer.

The thing was, at the time I was dealing with the early stages of cancer and was going through an operation to get it removed. I didn't feel like talking to strangers on the Internet about it, and I was overall acting weird during that period, like leaving conventions I had been invited to early and changing plans all the time. Not very professional and I feel really shitty about it now, but I was worried I was dying.

It's all gone now and I'm fine, but the point of this journal entry is just to remind you all that even if you feel like you know people well through the Internet, they also have a real life and some really terrible shit could be going on they don't feel like sharing and they might just need to relax, so I hope that unless their silence is somehow life threatening to you that you'll respect when they don't respond. :)
I already talked a bit about it over at my twitter, but I want to elaborate a bit because it's something a lot of people don't seem to understand.

I've developed a fear of cats. It's not a phobia because I can function perfectly normally in a room with a cat. It's presence doesn't bother me one bit. I'll even pet it, but I don't particularly enjoy touching it and if it tries to stand on my lap we're going to have a problem.

The thing is, it's the cat's claws I don't like. Even if a cat enjoys what you're doing to it, it'll bore it's claws into you out of pure bliss. Holding a cat usually involves pain too unless you face it away from you. I'm aware that not every moment with a cat is filled with pain, I've owned cats and lives with one at the moment after all (though it's not mine) and we get along just fine, but I've got more scars from cats than anything else (including the one I live with) and none of those cats were angry with me. They were just doing cat stuff.

Cats' unpredictability scares me. I'm not blind to cat language. I know what the different tail movements and facial expressions mean, but sometimes they just randomly attack. Heck, if you pet them the wrong way you get your hand bitten/clawed the shit out of without warning. That's probably the main reason why I'm afraid of cats.

I've been bitten by dogs, but I always know why because dogs always give warning (I've had friends who didn't understand dog language so they understandably felt dogs were unpredictable, but if you know dogs you always see an attack coming a mile away) and all my dog injuries were because I knew a dog was aggressive but took hold of it anyway to get control of it, yet no dog has ever broken my skin.
Of course there are dogs that haven't been treated well and are straight up psychotic, but even that you can tell and know to stay the fuck away from.

So yeah, it's not a case of "I met this one crazy cat and now I'm afraid of all cats" It's a fear that has developed steadily over time because of cats' nature. I don't hate cats. I don't want to hurt them because they're just doing their cat thing and lots of people love them for it, but I don't feel comfortable touching them. 

As long as they don't expect me to pet them, cats and I are cool.
Watched Frozen today and it was quite the mess of Scandinavian culture and stereotypes. Don't get defensive if you really love the movie. It was indeed a cultural mess, but in an entertaining way. Also, while watching it, I unintentionally came up with a somewhat sinister theory of what is going on behind the scenes of the main story. (Keep in mind this is just for fun. I can't imagine this was what Disney was thinking. Consider it an alternative interpretation of the Frozen universe)

While it takes place in some Disney fantasy country called Arendelle, it's clearly strongly inspired by Norway, what with all the mentions of fjords and such. But the people in the royal city are wearing clothes that looks like a mix between Swedish and Norwegian dress and they raise a maypole which is mostly a Swedish tradition in Scandinavia (it's still done a few places in Denmark too and even fewer places in Norway, so really, it's seen as a Swedish thing). At one point they meet a shopkeeper who speaks with an accent that sounds a lot like how Swedes sounds when they make fun of Norwegians. And of course there is Hans from The Southern Isles, which sounds like a fancy way of saying Denmark (it's mostly made up of islands and it's the most southern country in Scandinavia).

So what could all this mean? Let me give you a little (very simplified) history lesson. 
For a few years Sweden, Norway and Denmark were joined in a union, but then the Danish upper class went a bit crazy and killed some of the Swedish upperclass. Sweden wouldn't stand for that and left, so for many years it was just Denmark and Norway. Then the Napoleon wars happened. Denmark sided with Napoleon, so Sweden sided with England if England would let Sweden have Norway if they won. England agreed, and as we all know Napoleon lost. The Norwegians had been trying to get Denmark to give them free for a long time so they were not happy when they were suddenly forced into being part of Sweden. They made so much noise that years later the Swedes finally let them go. The Norwegians decided they needed a royal family of their own, and asked a Danish prince who weren't likely to get the Danish throne any time soon if he wanted to be king of Norway (Partly because the original Norwegian kings were in his blood, partly because he had a British wife which would help their relationship with England). He agreed, changed his name to a Norwegian one and ruled Norway through the Second World War.

So Frozen could be taking place during the time Sweden ruled Norway. Obviously that would mean Elsa wasn't the actual queen if she was living in Norway but rather some kind of Swedish official in charge of Norway, but work with me here. That would explain why the shopkeeper is the only one with an accent. He and his/the family in the sauna are the only actual Norwegians in the whole damn movie (An argument could be made for Kristoff, but he's clearly a Sami and they don't always like to refer to themselves as belonging to any nation). The accent is silly because he's a low class Norwegian through the eyes of an upperclass Swede. Everybody else are rich Swedes acting like they own the place, with a power hungry Dane who's still angry Denmark lost Norway plotting to take the country back. So basically, the story is about upperclass invaders of two different nations having a piss fight over Norway while the Norwegians just have to sit and watch them because no one is asking them what they want. And to make it even worse for Hans, this would mean that in a few years Norway would be free and ask one of his brothers if he want to be their king while Hans has to watch from his prison cell.

So there you go. Frozen is about fancy upperclass foreigners who think they own the place. ;)

EDIT: Could also be a reason why Elsa doesn't want Anna and Hans to marry. Sweden and Denmark weren't exactly the best of friends, so of course Elsa would think "What on earth are you doing Anna? A Dane? Really? No no no! I am in charge of Norway so my sister can't marry a god damn Dane! What are people back in Sweden going to think!?"

EDIT: Again, I have to make it clear, this is not at all serious. It's just for fun. The country of Arendelle is just something Disney cooked up so they wouldn't have to stick to one culture, so we get a mix of a lot of Norway, some Sweden and Sami, a bit of Danish and even some Finnish and Icelandic thrown in.
This is just going to be a rant about something that has been on my mind for a while.

I keep hearing people, religious or atheists, say "You have to pick a side. Picking a side is important. Are you religious or atheist? Picking a middle way like agnostic is cowardly"

You want to know what side I'm on? I'm on the side of I want state and religion to be separate and for it to otherwise not matter.

It's usually people who come from countries where religion still has a big hand in law who feel strongly about this, and I can understand why. Where they come from it is important, but the entire world isn't like that. In the part of the world I come from it doesn't matter if you're religious or not. 

You don't want the abortion because of your religion? Fine, no one is going to force you, but if you do, you can have it. You don't want to get married in a church or have your child baptized? Fine, we'll take care of that at the City Hall. You're gay and want to get married in a church, but the local priest doesn't want to wed you? Fine, the priest in the next town does.

It just doesn't matter. 

Of course, human rights comes first and you will be judged for shitty behavior no matter if you do it for religious reasons or just because you're an asshole.
Your religion tells you to have five wives? You might not all be married in the eyes of the law, but if you have some sort of ceremony that makes it more official to you and everybody's happy, then go on your marry way. You're forcing someone to marry you and keeping them against their will? In the slammer you go.

I'm what we call a culture Christian. I'm not religious but I like Christmas and I had my confirmation because I wanted the party and presents, and the church was happy to confirm me. They got something out of it, I got something out of it. Happy times all around. An non of it meant I or the priest who confirmed me are going to go out and burn down a Muslim family's house or bash the head of a gay baby in.

Which brings me to another point. If people are assholes they will use any excuse they have. 
If you hate gay people and you're religious? It's against the bible! 
If you hate gay people and is atheist? It's just plain disgusting!
Religion has started wars because someone just really wanted to fight someone and used their religion as an excuse, and it has helped millions because someone just really wanted to be nice.
Parents might tell their children that a group of people are horrible because the bible says so, but the children might still grow up to think that group of people are actually pretty awesome anyway and still be religious.
Religion doesn't make someone a better or worse person. It makes them exactly who they already are. Same goes for atheists.

That is how religion is looked at in my part of the world. It doesn't matter. How you act matters. You can take part in religious acts just because they're fun and the religious people will usually welcome you knowing you won't join the religion afterwards.

So that's the side I'm on. I want it to not matter.
People keep asking about Love and Tentacles, but I'm sorry to say that comic is as good as dead. I might draw a picture once in a while because Frida can be fun to draw, but I don't even think about LaT most of the time, unlike my other comics which enter my head daily.

But people are apparently dying to know if Tom and Frida ever had kids, and if it could even be done. So I'll give you and explanation on that.

Tentaculas have reproductive tentacles around their waist (the thin pink ones that gets thick when they get aroused). Males and females rub them against each other  and release semen and eggs into water (in these modern times its usually a bathtub unless they're hippies). They are left to float around until the fertilized eggs hatch and the tiny young eats the un-fertilized eggs. Then they move on to swallowing each other, until only one is left. Sounds unpleasant, but that is why tentaculas in general are very healthy and handicaps are almost unheard of unless they get injured later in life. And of course it creeps Tom out that Frida ate her siblings at birth.

By some kind of movie magic humans and tentaculas can have children together, and Tom and Frida have a very tentacula-like child because otherwise it wouldn't be able to survive the whole process required for tentacula eggs to be fertilized in water, or live in water for months before starting a life on land.
Once you start reading this, you cannot turn back.
Well you could, but would you reeeeeeeeally want to do it?
KEEP ON READING OR YOUR EYES WILL IMPLODE.

One day, humon was surfing the internet.
She was just looking at her favorite pages when all of a sudden a new tab opened up.
She was confused, since she didn't click on any link whatsoever. The tab didn't show anything, just a white screen. When she tried to close the tab, nothing happened. She kept pressing the X to close it, but instead the tab turned to full size. Suddenly, the white screen of the tab turned completely black.
It wasn't only the tab screen that turned black, all the button and everything else on her screen did the same.
Even her mouse disappeared off the screen.
After a little while, she decided to turn her computer off because she simply thought it was broken.
This was a fatal mistake.

Out of nowhere, a full screen picture of :iconcaptainfanclub: appeared on the black screen.
It was most unexpected.

As she looked at it, she could see zee captain's delicious smile.
The longer she stared at it, the more frightening the picture became.
The speakers of her computer suddenly started playing "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts" song.

humon covered her ears, but it didn't help at all.
She tried to leave her room, but the song followed her everywhere, repeating over and over.
The people of London, their heads covered in bowler hats and monocles looked at her with somber eyes of dissaproval.
It was most misfortunate.


Share this tale of interest with at least 76 people or you shall suffer the same fate of doom as humon did.




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:iconcoconutplz1::iconcoconutplz2:
:iconcoconutplz3::iconcoconutplz4:






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Captain UNMASKED by alexiuss
Cheers,
:iconalexiuss:
(trolling the merrily humon as she left her computah in my posessions, and left to purchase coconuts or other items of interest in local London establishment in preparation for MCM London)
Here is the description that got too long for Victorian Line-up humon.deviantart.com/art/Victo…

Peter is in this version a Swedish priest who is grossly abusing his position and people’s faith in him. Because he is Swedish he is eyed with some suspicion by a lot of the Danes, because Sweden and Denmark are still mortal enemy at this point (yet is wasn’t unusual to see Danes fighting for Sweden and Swedes fighting for Denmark). Sure he claims to have switched sides, but the most paranoid people suspect him of being a spy. An evil rumour has it that Peter got chased out of Sweden by the population who had gotten tired of him, but his reputation followed him to Denmark, so he jumped on the first boat to the Danish-Westindian Islands before it spread too much.

The Norwegian Kristian is supposed to inherit his father’s plantation, but everybody can see that it would never work. Either he would waste the money away, or he wouldn’t discipline the slaves properly and a slave rebellion might arise (the islands had experienced a few violent rebellions where most of the city was burned down). His father found another solution: Marry him off to Ingrid. Her family isn’t as wealthy as theirs, but they are well respected and her brother is know for his good judgment. He can then inherit the plantations, and that way it can at least sort of stay in the family. Kristian has no interest in marrying Ingrid though, and much prefer riding around the island on his horse or talk with shady people in the town.

Niels is not a crime lord in this version, but a lowly hitman and swindler. He tries his best to get friends in all social layers, his biggest achievement being Kristian. Kristian is up for pretty much anything as long as it will be fun, so Niels doesn’t really have trouble getting Kristian to do him favours. That is also why he started a romantic friendship with him, because it was the closest people could come to be blood-brothers in high social layers at the time. This way Kristian will both find him entertaining and be less likely to suddenly turn his back on Niels.

Ingrid is trying her best to tame Kristian, but is getting really f***ing tired of him (he even steals from her!), so when her eyes fall on Duncan she is intrigued. She has never seen a free black man before, and there’s something awfully exiting about that. She starts to secretly flirt with him, putting Duncan in a very difficult situation.

Duncan has come to realise that life as a free black man is more difficult that it was as a slave. When he was a slave his owner at least had an interest in keeping him alive, but now people are only interested in his workforce, and couldn’t care less if he got hurt. Therefore he is given even harder and more dangerous jobs than before, which is why he decided to join forces with Niels.
When Ingrid starts flirting with him, he is put in an awful situation. He doesn’t want to cheat on Natalie, but if he turns Ingrid down blankly, she might report him to the police for a crime he didn’t commit, and the police wouldn’t even think twice about throwing him in jail.

Natalie also had to face that when you’re black, freedom isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, though she doesn’t regret it either. She patch up and repair clothes for people and gets paid much less than other women doing the same work. Therefore she occasionally help Niels and Duncan do their hitjobs.
She’s not happy with Ingrid hitting on her man, but she too is worried about her and Duncan’s safety if she gets too aggressive towards Ingrid, so the best she can do is try and keep them apart or only let them meet in public places.

Kiddo (Elliot) is a strange child. To really get by on the Danish-Westindian Islands you should be able to speak at least three languages: Danish, Dutch and English. Kiddo speaks all three and always at the same time. He can without problem use them in one sentence, and for some strange reason he will occasionally say “yes” in French. He is of course fluent in NegroDutch, a now dead language that was spoken by the slaves (Obviously Duncan and Natalie speak this, along with English and a bit of Danish).

Agent 300 is known as Jim Scotsman in this version. He got the name because he is the only Scotsman in the police, and has even started signing papers with this name.
Niels always wanted a friend from the police and tried his luck with Thomas for a long time. Finally he had to give up. Thomas was just too honest. Things are however going much better with Scotsman. He is rather corrupt, enjoys bribing (which allows him to wear unusual nice clothes for a policeman) and a brothel downtown is allowed to stay open because can go there for free. Rumour has it that he is even joint owner of the place.
But Niels has found his way around him. He has figured out Scotsman hidden desires and is greatly using and exploring them to make Scotsman more cooperative.

Thomas is Scotsman’s work partner. He is Dutch in this version, but otherwise his story is the same. His wife died a few days after giving birth, and he is now terrified of either loosing his daughter, Wendy (unlikely name, yes) or dieing himself, leaving her behind. He lives alone with her, renting a room in Caron’s house.

Caron is a widow and is renting out a room to Thomas to survive. When Thomas isn’t home she looks after his daughter, and Windy has accidentally called her mother a few times. Caron is also his best provider of gossip, mainly because he doesn’t get out much himself. Caron didn’t know Thomas before his wife died, and has trouble believing the stories about him.

For the first few years of her life, Wendy thought Caron was her mother. She actually prefers to be looked after by Caron because her father won’t let her out much. Has befriended a stray cat and named it Mimi.
  • Mood: Daily Needs
  • Mood: Daily Needs
Here's a wonderful little online game www.parapluesch.de/whiskystore…

The point of it, is to help stuffed toys with their psychological problems. It sounds stupid, but it's really interesting and you can't help but feel sorry for the poor toys. :)